Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Sunday, August 16, 2009
Friday, August 7, 2009
Thursday, August 6, 2009
Monday, July 27, 2009
Thank you for all your prayers and well-wishes. It is greatly appreciated! God bless!
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Sunday, July 19, 2009
We found out about 2 weeks that we were closing. In case you didn't know, I work in a methadone clinic as a counselor. My clients rely on me to be the listening ear that they likely didn't get for much of their lives and now, we're shutting down because some people decided that they didn't want to do the things necessary to save the hospital...and now these same people, instead of sacrificing a few dollars, won't have a job at all.
Am I worried, most definitely...especially since my boyfriend and I work for the same company and therefore both of us will be out of a job come September. We do have plans, however, and I am back on careerbuilder searching furiously. If worse comes to worst I will be a nanny and work under the table until I can find something more permanent. I know we will be okay but I am more worried about my clients. Who is going to guide them and help them through their quest for sobriety if there are no counselors? Many of them have trust issues and it has taken them almost 3 months to build rapport with me and begin to open up and begin to heal...I really feel like this will be a potential setback for a lot of the clients and it saddens me to think that after finally beginning to make some headway they will have to start all over again.
I will keep you guys posted on my job hunt and this whole situation. We are praying that something can be done to keep the clinic open...what that something will be I am not sure...but only time will tell...
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Friday, July 3, 2009
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
What I did Well:
- Drank lots of water (I would rather use my points on food than beverages)
- Exercised every other day (I took a rest day in between to recover)
- Tracked what I had eaten HONESTLY
- Discussed how I was feeling with a fellow WW friend (it's good to know you're not alone)
- Planned my meals out the day before (when you know what you're going to eat it leaves less room for surprises)
- Didn't beat myself up for "cheating" (you can't really cheat on WW unless you are dishonest in journaling what you are but in that case you're only cheating yourself and can't be surprised when you haven't lost any weight)
- Keeping fresh fruits and veggies stocked in the fridge.
- Measure out certain things like oatmeal, rice, pasta, cereal so that I can confidently calculate my points.
- Expecting to have lost 10 lbs in one week (it's healthy to lose 1 to 2 lbs a week)
- Intensify and mix up my workouts (I got bored with the treadmill quickly and it became more and more difficult to drag myself down to the gym)
P.S. Tomorrow (July 1st) is my 9 month lockversary! Pics to come later...I have a retightening on Thursday =)
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Girl: I like your locks...
Me: Thank you (turns back to security guard)
Girl: How long have you been locking?
Me: Ummm, 9 months
Girl: Oh...(looks puzzled) did they start as nubs?
Me: (trying not to kick her teeth in) No, I have a lot of shrinkage going on, they're longer than they look
Girl: (confused) Oh, I've been locking 8 or 9 months too (clearly said to say her locks are longer than mine)
Me: Well, I don't have traditional locks...these are sisterlocks
Girl: Oh...I figured (smirks)
What the hell is wrong with people???? Did they start as nubs! You can't even start locks from a nub...and what the heck did she mean by nub anyway? Every time I've heard the word nub was when I would hear African Americans say: "Touch me again, you'll draw back a nub!" The whole time she was looking at me so smugly as if her locks were so much better than mine. Hello! We're both natural...we have something in common. Not anymore, we don't. I'm hoping not to ever encounter her again...she is not worthy of having a lock conversation with. Hmph!
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Thursday, June 11, 2009
- It's much easier to tame in the morning after having it mashed into a pillow.
- Shrinkage is much less severe!
- The locks in the front are taking much longer to lock.
- There are some big fat out of control locks that I just LOVE to touch.
- Dandruff and itchies have decreased.
- My hair moves when I move my head =)
- I LOVE MY SISTERLOCKS!
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
My appointment was on Saturday at 1pm so I got up early and hit the bank and got my car washed (which got pooped on 2 days later...ugh) and when I got home I checked my phone and saw that I had a missed call from Brandy. I had my fingers crossed that she would want me to come in earlier because I had an engagement later on in the evening (I'll post about that) and wanted to make sure that I would have enough time to get home, change, and do my makeup. Lucky me...that was exactly why Brandy was calling. I made the frustrating trip through the city to South Street and Brandy and I ended up getting there at the same exact time...literally! We were walking to the door at the same time haha.
Right away I noticed that Brandy had baby locks...even younger than mine. They were cute and kind of curly. Right away we started chatting away about our hair, boyfriends, pets, career choices, and everything in between. Oh but here's the kicker! Brandy lives right around the corner from me so next time she retightens my hair she is going to come to my apartment! Yay! Talk about service! I made my next appointment for July 2nd and can't wait to have a chat session with her while she does my hair.
By the way my locks are doing great...a lot of the ends are sealed and I am noticing that there is much less shrinkage. Does this mean that I am well on my way to being fully locked?
Monday, June 1, 2009
I genuinely cannot figure this one out. I mean I am not sexually irresponsible, have never had a pregnancy scare, and have so much in life that I want to do...and procreating is N-O-T on my To Do List. It feels like instead of people encouraging me to continue to work on building a successful career and future for myself they're just waiting for me to "slip up." I say "slip up" in quotations because I think accidental pregnancy is ridiculous...unless you slipped and fell on some sperm getting pregnant was not an accident. By the age of 13 I'm pretty sure everyone knows that sex can lead to babies (among other things) so if you have sex and you don't wrap it up and take other necessary precautions the pregnancy was not accidental...unintentional? Possibly...but accidental...nuh uh.
I am a young African American woman who dreams of being a successful career woman, travelling with or without a significant other, and creating the best possible future I can for myself and any possible offspring (if I so choose). That's right...I HAVE A CHOICE! My choice is...no babies until my HUSBAND and I DECIDE that we are ready to stop being selfish of each other's time and want to share our love with a little one. Until that time, please get it out of your head that I am "next". My uterus is not McDonald's and I am not in line waiting to get something that I didn't order. FIN
Friday, May 29, 2009
My friend is getting married in August and my honey and I have been invited to the wedding as well as her Bridal Tea, which is next week. I have never been to a bridal tea and have been asking questions as to what is expected of me in the way of attire and whether or not I should be bringing a gift. Now recently I discovered that I can access GoogleTalk from my work computer and I like to chat with friends. I was chatting with an older friend of mine (she's not old, just older lol) and happened to mention that I was going to said friend's bridal tea (we both know her because we all go to school together). We giggled about how I will probably stand out like a sore thumb with my locks and brown skin and probably being the youngest in attendance. My friend said back to me "You probably won't be the only non-White person there I'm pretty sure her fiance is Puerto Rican." Since I have hung out with my friend and her fiance before I knew that he was definitely not hispanic. Curious as to why she would think that I asked why and her response was: "He seems pretty trashy so I just assumed he was..." GASP!
Seriously? That's racist on one level and extremely judgmental on another. My friend's fiance is a very nice guy and while he may have made some poor choices, that does not make him trash--it makes him human. Let me give you a brief background. Fiance has 2 young boys by 2 different women. He was married to one of these women and in a committed relationship with the other. He is since divorced and engaged to my friend but is a very good father and pays child support for both children as well as spends quality time with them. Does this make him trash? To me, it makes him a man who is taking responsibility for his actions. Not to mention my friend who called him trash has never met him and doesn't know anything about him other than he has 2 children.
Maybe I expect too much from people. But in my defense, she has every intent on becoming a counselor one day. I would think that she would be more tolerant and less judgmental of people. Then again this was the same person who said she couldn't tolerate people who abused drugs because she thought they were just being stupid and selfish. She recently reneged on that statement and said she had the opportunity to sit in on a meeting and has a new found respect for individuals struggling with addiction.
I just don't get it. Why is it that the people whose lives are the least together are the ones spit poison from their mouths? Well, I'm lying, I do get it. It's because they are insecure and it makes them feel better to talk badly about other people. Let me give you the rundown on Little Miss Snobby: she's 33 and single (not by choice), completely neurotic, has panic attacks over nothing, is so desperate to find a husband (i guess she just wants to skip the boyfriend phase), takes advice from a 23 year old, and sees a shrink on a weekly basis. I'm not saying that these things are bad things but if she would look at herself for just a moment she would see that she has no place coming down on someone else.
Sorry guys, I'm just venting...it really bothered me. Take time to get to know people before you decide you don't like them. Don't dislike someone on the basis of the choices that they have made rather how they are handling and taking responsibility for those choices! That's it, I'm done now lol.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Thursday, May 7, 2009
Wednesday, April 29, 2009
I also started a new job and moved to a new place all in the same week! The new job is going very well...I am enjoying getting to work closely with my clients and see them on a regular basis. In case you're wondering, I am now a methadone maintenance counselor. Methadone is an opiate blocker--it helps people who are addicted to heroin begin to ween themselves off of the heroin so that they can get their lives back in order. I do individual and group sessions, which I love! My clients are really great people who got sidetracked a bit and are ready to begin to get back on the right track.
The apartment is also good...it's got some really annoying quirks but everything is a work in progress. Our door is a mission and a half to open because the carpet padding makes the carpet near the door too high so you have to push like you're giving birth to get the damn thing open. Some of the windows also don't have screens but I think that was done purposely because it will force us to use our air conditioner, instead of the windows and cause our electric bill to sky rocket. My boyfriend thought it would be harmless to open a window anyway and now we have gnats that hang around the light in the living room that i have been killing for a couple days now.
What else? Oh! I'm getting a kitten!! I'm adopting a kitten from a girl who has been fostering them for the SPCA. I am going to meet them tomorrow and pick one out! I'm so excited...I've never had a pet that didn't have to live in a cage before haha. This is like my dream come true because I wasn't allowed to have a cat or dog as a kid because my mother doesn't really like animals. Go figure though because now she wants a dog to keep her company. She would prefer a man but I'm thinking she will settle for a pup lol!
That's all from me...pictures of some sort soon to come!
Thursday, April 9, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
I finally arrived and knocked on what I assumed to be the salon door and a woman opened it (she did not have sisterlocks) and I asked for my consultant. She said yes and waved me in. The first thing I noticed was that the shop was HUGE! It had a nice receptionist desk, a couch in the waiting area, an area for washing hair, 2 hair dryers, and a HUGE area with several hair dresser chairs and mirrors.
The second thing I noticed was that I did not see my consultant. Instead a woman with beautiful sisterlocks was sitting behind the desk while the woman who opened the door was taking my coat. The woman behind the desk was on the phone so the other woman decided to help me. The woman who took my coat was an African woman in her late 30's or early 40's and I remembered her from a previous retightening when my consultant had her (with my permission) inspect my hair and tell her what the curl pattern, density, and SL pattern of my hair was...she was a trainee! The woman at the desk was a trainee as well. I asked for my consultant again and they said that she wasn't there and wouldn't be in until later. My first reaction, in my head, was "What?!?" Why hadn't anyone called to tell me that my consultant wouldn't be there and that the trainees would be retightening my hair instead?
I'd like to make it clear that I had no problem with the trainees doing my hair but a heads up would have been nice. My consultant is a master consultant and I trusted that she had trained them well but again, would have been nice to know. Anyway...both of them took to working on my head which I thought would make things go much faster and I would be out of there in no time. WRONG! I was in the chair for 3 and a half excruciating hours. Why excruciating?? Oh because it was the worst pain I had ever experienced during a retightening. It always kind of pinches but this time the pain was intense and then was amplified by 2. Ugh I practically ran to my car after it was over.
It wasn't a horrible experience at all but it wasn't the usual enjoyable one that I have when I go to get my locks retightened. I may actually have to look for a new consultant however because I am starting a new job that doesnt have the flexibility of my old job and my consultant currently doesn't have weekend hours and they generally close at 5, which is the earliest I would be able to get there. Looks like I need to head to the sisterlocks website again...
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Monday, April 6, 2009
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Thursday, February 12, 2009
1. Mommy and I are doing great. Better than ever! She's giving us all of her old living room furniture, a wine rack, some curtains, and my old dresser. My uncle is giving us his glass kitchen set...so we're set on furniture.
2. We found an apartment. It's in a good safe location in a large gated community so I will be able to feel like I can sleep at night without worrying about someone taking my mirror or any other parts off of my car. We're going back on Sunday to bring our applications and money to hold the apartment.
3. My boyfriend started school last month for his Master's degree...i'm very proud of him but a little sad that i don't see him on wednesdays and thursdays until 10pm because of our conflicting schedules.
4. I am taking 3 classes...sex therapy, understanding relationships, and insight-oriented approaches. My sex therapy is a pompous ass who likes to hear himself talk. He made us watch 2 hours of sex videos (not porn) last week and then wouldn't even let us criticize the videos themselves. Understanding relationships is taught by 2 people...a man and a woman--both old as dirt but still great teachers. It is a litte unorganized which annoys the crap out of me but it is one of my mindless nights so i can deal with it. Insight-oriented approaches is a beautiful surprise. I love the professor--she's intelligent but is willing to listen to you openly and is not looking for what she wants to hear but just wants you to grow and learn and understand.
5. My friend, who was pregnant, moved to Ohio last month. She had her baby (who is absolutely beautiful). I miss them very much and can't wait to meet the baby that i got to watch grow in her tummy for 8 months.
6. I've been working out really hard in the gym and I am proud of myself and looking forward to seeing some results.
7. My boyfriend got a new job, making more money. I interviewed for it first but didn't get it because of some state regs (it's drug and alcohol counseling) so I passed his resume along and he got it. Well...4 months later they call me back and asked if I was still interested in a position. I'll update you on that when I have more details...
8. I plan on getting another tattoo soon...this will make number 7...i love ink and i'm not afraid to admit it and i'm not worried about being professional at all.
9. I have class with a girl who has awesome sisterlocks...
10. I'm not really into taking pictures of myself or my hair right now so don't anticipate seeing pics of me any time soon.
11. I've been on a spending freeze for the last 2 months and i am DYING! But i need the money and security more than i need the new shoes or new Hello Kitty MAC makeup.
12. I've discovered that I don't want to have a wedding (whenever i do decide to get married)...i just want to wear a pretty dress, eat good food, get a little buzzed, and share my joy with my family and friends. I will make this work!
14. I love my Blackberry Storm and it is totally worth every penny!
I think I've about covered it all...yay!
Friday, February 6, 2009
Hair Update: My 4 month locversary was on the first of the month. I had my retightening on the 3rd. My consultant washed my hair without braiding and banding and I have pretty much been cleared to not b&b anymore. I have also been cleared to use product in between washes to keep my hair from being so dry. I'm not sure what I'm going to get yet. Suggestions are welcome. I didn't take any pics because my hair looks pretty much the same as it did last month.
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
I was gross and sweaty and coughing my brains out in the women's locker room (still getting over my cold) but it felt really good to push myself. I came home and took a nice long hot shower and really took time to appreciate this body of mine. It's not perfect, but it works and it worked pretty well today, despite me still being a little sick.
Maybe my motivation is that I'm going to spend the weekend with my 2 Jersey girls who are considerably smaller than I am. Not that I am going to lose 15 pounds by tomorrow but I just feel more confident knowing that I am taking an active role in becoming a more healthy and fit woman. I should have a great time this weekend and will watch what I eat so that I can get back on the workout grind on Monday, my next opportunity to get to the gym. Super Bowl is on Sunday so I may eat an exorbitant amount of wings...
Friday, January 23, 2009
P.S. I'm experiencing some shrinkage. I washed my hair earlier in the week and my hair looked long one minute and was shriveled up the next. I guess it's a good thing because it's part of the process but that does not mean I have to like it! LOL
Monday, January 12, 2009
Here are the lyrics too:
I've said sorry over a thousand times
Is there anything to say to you, to help you dry your eyes?
I would make it all better if I could
I hope you realize
I cry, when you cry
I hurt, when you hurt
I make mistakes but I can't turn back time
I'm only human (forgive me)
I'm only human (love me)
I'm only human (save me)
Save me from myself
I'm no super woman (embrace me)
I'm fragile and broken
You're just like me
I'm perfectly human
I might just tell a lie
Pefectly human...but I'm an angel in disguise
I'm standing in the mirror and a stranger's looking back
What are you afraid of girl, the future or the past
If you want to see inside of me all you have to do is ask
I cry, when you cry
I hurt when you hurt
I make mistakes but i can't turn back time
Maybe what tears us apart is what brings us back together
And everything that makes us different, really brings us closer
Could you hold me (for a little while)?
Could you love me (without a doubt)
I need you, I need you
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Because my mother is a single parent and we have always been close I felt it was my responsibility to keep her encouraged and listen to her when she is down, like i always have. While it sounds like I am being a great daughter, I am also neglecting my needs and feelings. It's difficult to keep myself encouraged when I feel so heavily responsible for the emotional well-being of my mother. It was clearly weighing me down and exhausting me and adding to the stress of everything else going on in my life (for anyone who made it out of their 20s...you are sooo lucky lol). I've watched her become something unfamiliar...she is negative, judgmental, and bitter...and yet she projects these things onto all the people around her and has cut them out of her life, isolating herself and perpetuating her loneliness. Though things have always been difficult for us throughout the years, she was always able to maintain her optimistic outlook on life and has lost that.
While this may not have been the best time to assert myself as an adult and request some autonomy, I don't think there is ever really any good time to tell your parent that it's time to cut the umbilical cord. Seriously, it is just not healthy how enmeshed I am with her...for either of us. So what did I do? I wrote her a letter just expressing myself. There was no pointing fingers or blaming and I didn't even mention how I thought she had changed. I was just saying that I had grown and it was time for me to truly test and see how good of a parent she had been to me. I also shared with her my plans with my boyfriend...stating that he was a great person and a great friend to me and that I really loved him.
Why couldn't I just tell her all of these things in person? Well...my mother is not a great listener. All she needs is ammo to hear one thing that she doesn't like and you might as well just glue your lips shut and grab a box of tissues. She's been adult for much of her life (even when she was a child she acted like an adult) and because of that she often forgets what it is like to be in her 20s. When she was my age, I was 5...we clearly led very different lives. I just wanted to be able to express myself without interruption and without feeling bad that I want to be myself and live my life and make my own decisions.
Unfortunately she didn't see things my way. She immediately jumped on the defense and almost made it about her--feeling the need to remind me of all the sacrifices she made for me while I was growing up. While I appreciate all of her efforts as a parent, I don't think it appropriate for a parent to throw in their child's face things that they were supposed to do. Her job was to make sure I was taken care of and my job was to get good grades and make something of myself; I did that, and I did it well if I may say so myself.
In any event our relationship is forever changed. It was something that needed to happen in order for her to begin to see and respect me as an adult. I will continue to take care of myself and make her proud and hopefully one day soon we can begin to rebuild our relationship, until then I am actually going to enjoy a bit of emotional separation from her so that I can figure things out for myself.